We’ve all driven by that great white edifice of explosives that sprung out of nowhere, replacing a stand of tall trees a few hundred feet from I-95 at the DE/PA border. Inspired by patriotic curiosity, and strictly in the name of investigative journalism, TSD recently dropped in on “TNT Fireworks” for a timely 3rd of July visit.
(BTW, when and why did this stretch of 95 all of a sudden become fireworks alley? … DelCo’s version of South of the Border? Billboards for the competing “Phantom Fireworks” flank both sides of the highway, and a little mom-and-pop outfit has taken over an old gas station right off the Chichester Avenue exit, kitty-corner to TNT.)
Approaching TNT, one passes through a gauntlet of American flags and colorful streamers and banners proclaiming “Buy 1 Get 1 Free!” and “Open Daily!” Signs outside the building inform “non-PA residents” they will be asked for ID.
And that’s exactly what happened as we entered the building, when a nice young man politely requested our driver’s license and asked that we sign a document foreswearing the use of the incendiary items in the great Commonwealth.
In no time at all, our cart was filled with powerful products with names like “The Last Blast,” “State of Shock,” “Jumbo Purple Rain,” and “Arsenal: Artillery Shell Maximum Blast!” We are particularly excited about the pyrogenic promise of “Megabook,” a laptop computer-looking device that is said to rain showers of sparks from its exploding keyboard. Of course we also stocked up on a healthy selection of good old fashioned bottle rockets, whistlers, whirling dervishes and roman candles. All made in China, natch, the nation that invented gunpowder and really cheap t-shirts.
So this 4th of July, we have both Chichester and the Chinese to thank for a fireworks display that will occur in an undisclosed location, with extensive fire marshall-safety protocols in place.
God Bless America!