Dear Aunt Re:
I’m a barista at a small coffee shop in Milton, and I just found out that someone is predicting that Judgment Day is this May 21st. Since that’s a Saturday and I have to work, I was wondering what the appropriate latte would be for the Armageddon.
Beanin’ Out at the Beanery
Dear Beanin’,
Isn’t that the way it always is? Just as you were celebrating the use of your last can of Sterno from your Y2K stockpile, here comes another dire prediction of the end of life as we know it.
The latest prediction comes from a preacher in Oakland, CA named Harold Camping. With some fancy ciphering, Camping has determined that Judgment Day will be May 21, 2011, with the actual end of the word happening five months later on October 21, 2011. For the record, Camping also predicted the world would end on September 6, 1994, but I’m pretty confident that never happened. He now claims to be much better at the math, so you’d better watch out.
It’s important to note that Camping’s prediction is in no way related to the 2012 end of world prediction based on the Mayan calendar.
Some people believe that since the Mayan calendar mysteriously ends in December of 2012, the world will end, too. I believe that the more likely scenario is that the Mayans figured 2012 was good enough, so they cut out of work early to catch a quick human sacrifice at the local altar. In any event, the 2012 end of the world prediction has caused countless people to change their lives, with many vowing to never go see a John Cusack movie that doesn’t feature the Psychedelic Furs on the soundtrack ever again.
Now, about that latte…
Since Judgment Day isn’t exactly the same as the full blown end of the world, I would suggest something minty, for when you meet your maker. Fresh breath should never be overlooked when you’re trying to make a good impression.
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Disclaimer: The sketchy advice doled out in Ask Aunt Re is designed to entertain the author, Maria Evans, while simultaneously annoying everyone else. Use of this advice is not recommended. Kids: Don’t try this at home, unless your parents aren’t around.
